I Will Never Allow It

Seohyun entered the lift with a heavy heart. She could feel the tears streaming down her cheeks. The sorrow she was feeling at that moment was indescribable. She was sure he noticed the tears earlier and she had thought maybe he would come running to her to coax her. But it never happened.

Maybe it’s because of the cameras. Seohyun thought in a way to comfort herself.

The lift doors opened and Seohyun stepped out of the lift with her head bent low. Her steps were heavy and she practically had to drag herself down the corridor towards her dorm. The strap of the pink guitar was slowly slipping down her shoulder. Seohyun stopped walking as she suddenly felt her heart breaking to pieces.

She lost her grip on the huge stuffed bear and her bouquet of roses, dropping them on the floor. Seohyun breathed in deeply, trying to control her emotions but failed. Soon she was kneeling down as well, placing the guitar on the floor as gently as she could. Sadness was enveloping her senses. Her cries were getting louder by the minute. Her tears were flowing drastically; there was no way it was going to stop anytime soon.

“Hyun!” A series of cries were heard. Seohyun was not able to tell whose voices they belonged to. The only thing which was fresh in her brain at that moment was the look on his face just before they parted, the short hug they shared, the last high-five they had and the most importantly was they last wave gave. The last of everything.

“Hyunnie! Don’t cry! We’re here for you!” Tiffany cried out as she pulled the maknae into her arms. She could not help but shed tears as well the moment she saw how weak Seohyun looked.

“Oh uri Seohyun!” Taeyeon kneeled down as well before stroking her maknae’s hair tenderly.

Soon, the rest of SNSD members came out of their dorm, to help Seohyun in as well as to carry all the items which she had brought with her. They were unable to control themselves as they too started crying together with Seohyun. It hurt them to see Seohyun being sad and heartbroken. The only thing they could do was to share the pain with her.

***

“I don’t know what I should do.” Seohyun said, shaking her head. Her tear-stained cheeks were the only evidence to show that she was still feeling insecure with sadness.

“What do you mean?” Taeyeon asked.

“I have a lot to tell him, but I just don’t know how to start.” Seohyun told her unnies.

“What is it that you wanted to say?” It was Jessica’s turn to ask. She was sitting closely beside Seohyun, caressing her maknae’s hand gently.
“Now I’m not really sure if I should say what I wanted to say to him in the first place.” Seohyun shrugged weakly.

“Why?” Yuri asked.

“He, he, he didn’t call me back.” Seohyun whispered.

“You should not have waited for him to call you, you should have gone to him!” Tiffany exclaimed.

“I did. I went back to him. Gave him a hug, and then he still told me to go.” Seohyun sobbed. “He didn’t hold me back.”

Tiffany bit her lips. She was not sure what to say anymore. But what she was sure was that Seohyun was definitely in love with her ex-virtual husband but she was not confident enough to admit that feeling to herself.

“You wanted him to hold you back?” Hyoyeon asked with a raised eyebrow. “Why?”

“I just needed to know.” Seohyun answered.

“You just needed to know what?”

Seohyun shrugged again, unsure of the answer herself.

“You wanted to know if he loved you or not.” Hyoyeon answered for her causing Seohyun to gape in response.

“Aniyo unnie. Ani, I just…” Seohyun was suddenly lost for words. Is that what I really wanted to know?

“Let me tell you this, my dear, you are in love with him. You always have.” Hyoyeon came kneeling down in front of Seohyun who was sitting on the sofa. She pulled Seohyun’s hands into hers and gave them a soft squeeze. “You do not have to wait for him to tell you that he loves you. You just needed to gather up the courage and tell him yourself!”

“But…”

“Let me finish.” Hyoyeon said with a frown. “And I am pretty much sure he is in love with you as well! Hello! What’s with the flowers and the guitar and the self-knitted scarf? Hey! No silly guy would have the time to prepare those if he was not really head over heels in love with you!”

A series of agreement were heard all around the SNSD dormitory. Seohyun placed both her legs on top of the sofa, with her chin resting on her knees, nibbling on her finger nails. She was deep in thought, trying to digest whatever Hyoyeon was telling her.

Suddenly, Seohyun stood up, a knowing look on her face. Without waiting any longer, Seohyun made a grab for her brand-new pink guitar and ran towards the door. Her unnies were startled by her actions, each one of them bearing a surprised look.

“W-Where are you going Hyunnie-yah?!” Hyoyeon asked as she shot up from her seat as well.

“I need to go to Yonghwa’s dorm! I need to tell him!” Seohyun replied with a shrill scream causing the rest of her unnies to cringe.

“Yah! I’m coming with you!” Hyoyeon exclaimed as she ran towards the door as well.

“Yah! We’re coming too!” Taeyeon, Jessica, Yuri, Tiffany, Sooyoung, Sunny and Yoona called out as they headed out their dorm hurriedly.

Coincidentally, the nine girls met with their manager oppa upon exiting their dormitory building. Hyoyeon managed to grab the set of keys which was dangling on their manager oppa’s finger and soon the nine girls found themselves seated in the company van.

“Aish! It’s damn cold!” Yuri complained, rubbing her bare arms and legs.

“We’re cold too Yuri-ah!” Taeyeon grinned. “Look at us, we’re just in shorts and shirts and slippers, in early March!”

The rest of the members including Seohyun laughed upon hearing Taeyeon stating the obvious fact.

“Let’s do this Hyunnie-ah!” Hyoyeon, who was in the driver’s seat exclaimed excitedly. “Chul-bal!”

******

Yonghwa threw himself on top of the sofa the moment he stepped inside his dorm. He leaned back against the sofa with his arms covering his eyes, trying to shield his eyes from the bright living room lights. Jonghyun, Minhyuk and Jungshin were seated down on the floor eating instant noodles for supper. They glanced at their leader and shrugged. They were not sure on how to bring up the topic about his last WGM filming with Seohyun earlier. It was true that they were curious. That was why they decided to wait up until Yonghwa got home to hear the rest of his story.

“Hyung, kwenchana?” Jonghyun asked carefully.

Yonghwa looked up from his arm and gave Jonghyun a forced smile. “Ne. I’m alright.”

“So, how did the filming go?” Jungshin’s turn to ask.

“It was alright, I guess.” Yonghwa shrugged as he sat up on the sofa properly. He rubbed his eyes, wanting to erase the images he had cautiously stored in his mind earlier; images of a certain girl crying when he let her go.

“Hyung, are you sure you’re alright? Your eyes are a bit swollen you know that?” Minhyuk said, observing Yonghwa’s expression carefully. “You were crying weren’t you?”

“Ne? Aniyo. I just did not have enough sleep.” Yonghwa lied. He gulped for a moment, trying his best to avoid looking at any of his members in the eye. It was true what Minhyuk had said earlier. He did shed tears when he was driving back home after sending Seohyun at her dorm earlier. It took him a lot of strength to not cry when Seohyun came back out of the sliding glass door to give him a hug. It took him a lot of determination to tell her to go in and not to worry too much about him. It took him a lot of courage to face the WGM crews, bidding them goodbye with a smile, before heading to the car to moan of his and Seohyun’s separation as a virtual couple.

“Don’t lie to us hyung. We know you well enough.” Jonghyun added with a slight frown.

“I’m not in the mood to talk about this.” Yonghwa answered before standing up and headed to his bedroom, leaving his dongsaengs clueless for the time being.

***

“He’s in so much pain. I understand the feeling.” Jungshin said, shaking his head as he continued to shove noodles into his mouth.

“How would you understand his feelings when you yourself have never been in love!” Minyuk said sarcastically.

“Yah! I had a crush once okay. And I know the feeling when we had to separate.”

“Ah sinchia?” Minhyuk gaped.

“Of course. We had to go to different schools.” Jungshin shrugged.

“When was this?” Jonghyun asked.

“During my kindergarten time.” Jungshin sighed as he nodded his head.

Minhyuk and Jonghyun threw dagger stares towards Jungshin who seemed oblivious to it. “Damn! You’re just impossible!” Minhyuk exclaimed.
“I wonder how hyung go through with the separation just now.” Jonghyun said to no one in particular, but loud enough to catch Jungshin and Minhyuk’s attention. “It must have been hard for him.”

“He’s in love with her. But he’s living in denial!” Jungshin added.

“Oh I pity them so much!” Minhyuk pouted. “I’m gonna miss hyung’s bright expression especially after spending time filming with hyungsoonim.”

“Me too.” Jonghyun said.

“Me three.” Jungshin nodded.

***

Yonghwa could hear his dongsaengs’ conversation very clearly. When he heard Jungshin saying that he was living in denial, he had to fight the urge to not open the door and shout that he was never in denial. He knew very well what he wanted. He knew very well what he needed. He wanted her. He needed her. He hinted so much to her. He hinted his feelings to her. He knitted the scarf for her, not just a way of seeking forgiveness but of a way to show others that she was linked to him. He prepared the flowers for her; his first time presenting a bouquet of flowers to a woman. Even his mother was not as fortunate as she was. The most he had done was to give a single stem of a red rose to his mother during parent’s day, and that was during his elementary schools days. And not forgetting, he also specially bought the pink guitar which Seohyun had fallen in love with in the first place when they had gone guitar hunting during their ‘preparatory couple’ days.

After receiving all those presents from him, the only thing that she was able to say was, she was touched. That was all. Those words hurt him. He wondered if he was actually selfish in wanting to hear other words from her. Then he felt silly, stupid really to hope for more when he saw Seohyun coming back out from the lobby of her dormitory apartment. The only thing she did was to give him a last bow before he pulled her into a brief hug. And still she did not say anything.

“You’re such a babo Jung Yonghwa!” Yonghwa exclaimed as he leaned his body against the door and slid down till he was in a sitting position. He buried his face into his hands, wanting to let the tears flow down again.

As he was about to tune himself to self-pity mode, suddenly he heard urgent knocks on his bedroom door. Yonghwa jumped and turned to look. They were banging hard and he thought that the door would leave its hinges very soon.

“YAH!” Yonghwa shouted in an annoyed tone. “Can’t you boys just leave me alone?!”

“Yah Jung Yonghwa! You better open this door now before the eight of us kick this door open!” A female voice suddenly exclaimed causing Yonghwa to gasp in shock. He quickly ran towards the mirror to check on himself to make sure he had no tears in his eyes. When he was satisfied enough with his appearance, he walked slowly to the door and opened it. What greeted him was truly incredible. Eight pretty goddess were glaring at him with their arms folded. They looked too casual to be true; dressed in shorts and shirts on a cold night like today. Yonghwa sneaked a glance towards his dongsaengs who unlike him, was ogling openly at the eight girls in front of them.

“W-What are you girls doing here?” Yonghwa asked eyeing them one by one. But he exhaled in disappointment when he was not able to find the one face he was yearning for the most.

“We need answers Jung Yonghwa.” Jessica stepped forward, pointing her index finger towards him.

“W-What answers?”

“It’s not for us to know.” Taeyeon said with a raised eyebrow.

“Then who are the answers for?” Yonghwa asked confused.

“Go to the park just behind this building and you can provide your answers there.” Sunny added with a sneer.

“But it’s late!” Yonghwa glanced at his watch.

“Then you’d better not make her wait.” Yoona smirked.

Understanding the situation, Yonghwa quickly exited his dorm and headed for the lift. Then, you’d better not make her wait. Yoona’s words were still repeating itself in his brain. Could it be? Yonghwa wondered, but he did not dare to put his hopes up.

The moment he reached the lobby, he continued with his run towards the park which Sunny had mentioned earlier. The park was empty as it was already two a.m. in the morning. He looked around to see if he could catch any familiar figure but to his disappointment, he saw none. No one was there. No one.

Just then, he heard that familiar tune. The same tune he had heard just hours ago; the sound of the strumming of the guitar, that sweet melody. He turned and was shocked to see her there with that pink guitar which he had given to her as a gift.

The first day that we met
I still remember the awkward meeting
What words should I say, how should I reply,
I really worried a lot.

But a day passed, and then a month, and now a year,
I won’t be able to forget those precious memories,
And I have a final thing I want to say…

We will be able to speak banmal even though
It’s a bit awkward and unnatural,
Instead of saying thank you formally,
Should I say it a bit more casually?

We will able to speak banmal,
As I slowly draw closer,
Now I will look into your two eyes and say it…
I love you~…

***

“Jung Yonghwa, saranghae. Sinchia saranghae.” Seohyun finally said it out loud causing Yonghwa to gape in response.

“I know this may come as a shock for you but I just needed to let you know of my feelings. Remember just now when you asked me if I have anything to say to you, but I replied that I did but I was not able to remember them?” Seohyun asked and Yonghwa nodded. “Well, now I remember them. I wanted to tell you that I can’t bear to watch you walk out of my life. I won’t allow it. Shiro! I care too much about you to let you go. And I totally mean it!”

Seohyun suddenly turned silent and warm tears started to roll down her cheeks again. She had expected some reactions from Yonghwa but he just stood still as he continued to stare at her. Seohyun shook her head, trying to ease her tears.

“I understand if you don’t feel the same way for me.” Seohyun whispered. “Sorry to take so much of your time. I’ll be off then.”

Seohyun willed herself to turn and walked out of the park. As she was about to take her third step, suddenly she felt her hand being pulled and her back landed on something warm. She felt hands wrapping around her waist and she could feel warm air blowing at the side of her neck causing her to tingle all over.

“I love you Seo Joohyun. I love you so very much.” Yonghwa’s husky voice vibrated through her ear drums causing her to stiffen. “I can’t bear to watch you walk out of my life. And I will never allow it. It’s impossible for me to let you go because I will never allow it. Never!”

“Oppa?” Seohyun whispered with a small smile engraved on her pretty lips.

“Hm?”

“You promise?” Seohyun tilted her head to the side to allow Yonghwa’s lips to kiss the side of her neck tenderly.

“I promise.” Yonghwa answered contently.

“Oppa?” Seohyun called out again, but this time she turned her body to face him, almost causing her pink guitar to hit Yonghwa across the face. But Yonghwa dodged it well and soon he took the guitar from her and slung it across his body so that the guitar will stay on his back. “Oops, mianhe!”

“No worries my love. I’m good at dodging.” Yonghwa smirked as he pulled Seohyun closer into his embrace. “What is it you wanted to ask me?”

“Earlier, when I played guitar and sang to you the Banmal Song of my own rendition, didn’t you hear what I sang?” Seohyun asked, snaking her arms around Yonghwa’s neck.

“Whar is it?”

“There’s a hidden message to that song.” Seohyun smiled. “I was confessing to you, if you had not realized it yet.”

“Ah sinchia?”

“We will able to speak banmal,
As I slowly draw closer,
Now I will look into your two eyes and say it…
I love you~…”

Seohyun sang perfectly, blushing.

“Ah! It’s a hidden message alright.” Yonghwa chuckled before he leaned forward to peck Seohyun on her lips. Seohyun gasped not knowing on how to respond to the sudden lip-lock. Yonghwa, who realized her awkwardness just grin against her lips. He pulled away slowly and rested his forehead against hers.

“Oppa…? I’m sorry. I never had…” Seohyun started saying but was quickly silenced by Yonghwa who had quickly pressed an index finger onto her lips.

“Then I guess, we just need more practices in future.” Yonghwa grinned.

Seohyun laughed, enjoying the light atmosphere in the park, late at night. “Ne. Practices is good for me!”

After much talkings between the two lovebirds, they decided to head on upstairs to Yonghwa’s dorm to meet with the rest of their members and share with them the good news.